Reviews Of Humour Month

Once again the Lincoln Shakespeare Company came up trumps with their partially modernised version of Chaucer's "Canterbury Tales". It was not for the faint-hearted with some brief nudity plus stand-up comedy by one of the cast to allow for costume changes plus a minstrel who roved the audience. But it was fun, lots of it - we don't know how the cast kept up the energy of all their performances for three hours including the interval. The audience was asked to vote for the best tale at the end of the evening and the fairly traditional "Miller's Tale" was rightly beaten by the brilliant adaptation of "The Nun's Priest's Tale" where male and female actors alike played hens dressed up in frilly undies and feathers boas with great choreography and "Chanticleer" in his rooster costume incorporating a great impression of Elvis throughout.

by Jacquie Harrison in Lincoln

Members from the East Midlands, West Midlands and North West came to my humour themed party with several dressing as clowns or a pun. The buffet table included not one but two Morrisons clown face cakes. I had bought one and guests donated another. Quip of the night was "That clown cake tastes a bit funny"! The now traditional end to my parties was a late night dip in the hot tub in the garden with the fun and laughter ending around 2 am.

by Maxine Bates in Nottingham

A small group went to see 'Arsenic and Old Lace', which had a great cast and was well staged. Chris also hosted our 3WOTM meeting where we'd asked people to bring their favourite funny book. Attendees forgot to bring anything along though I think they thought Chris' book was quite funny. At the time of writing we are about to host our Sunday film and lunch meeting and are keen to see the new animated comedy 'Valiant'.

by Jo Sidebottom in Milton Keynes

A young crowd of ten of us ventured to Jongleurs comedy club for a fun night out. We arrived in time to dine before the show commenced and most of us opted for the curry platters or Tex Mex dishes. These were served on interesting trays which reminded us of in-flight meals! Three comedians from Canada, the USA and England entertained us for two hours and got progressively funnier, though we all agreed the compere was the funniest. Well, apart from one person in our group who the compere labeled a fellow 'slap head'! Had I mentioned the word Mensa when booking I'm sure we would have been ridiculed more! After the show there was a disco until 2 am though not all of us could stay until the end as had to get up for work the next day.

by Maxine Bates in Nottingham

Empress Editor

I regret to tell you that Becky Verkade-Cave has decided to stand-down as an Empress editor. She has been an excellent editor for several years, but has now decided that it is time to pursue other interests. I'm sure you will join me in thanking her for her efforts and wishing her well for the future.

This means that we have a vacancy to join me and Rosie as an Empress editor. We each do four issues a year which allows enough time to establish a personal style and gain a real feeling of accomplishment as each issue goes to press, yet never becomes the burden that having to deliver a issue every month could become.

You don't need a lot of clever kit to create a copy of Empress, an ordinary PC plus a copy of any one of MS Word, OpenOffice, any other word processing or DTP software will suffice. When I started, it gave me a good excuse to try new features of my software package, experiment and learn.

There is always help available from the other regional newsletter editors, not just Empress, and Maxine and the LocSecs are very good at supplying copy for each issue.

So, if you're interested, or just want more details, contact Maxine on [Phone Number] or [Email].

Regional News

Thanks to everyone who hosted or attended one of our humour themed events in April. You will find some short reviews in this issue of Empress. Hopefully we don't always need themes to entice you out to our social events and this month we have the usual range of pub socials, meals, activities, cinema visits and much more. Do join us!

If you'd like to see a bit more of the country and meet other Mensa members at the same time then there are several weekend gatherings to choose from over the summer months. Why not pop over the border mid June for some Welsh hospitality in Swansea? In July there's the Annual Gathering and AGM in Newcastle plus our very own Buxton Fringe Festival Weekend co-ordinated by Ray Calverley. The final listing of events should appear in next months newsletter. If you have no plans for August bank holiday then why not head up to Glasgow for a taste of Scottish culture and some socialising? The weekend theme is Charles Rennie Mackintosh. Bookings are already going well for the Channel Islands Weekend that I am organising early September. If you are interested in visiting any of these places but don't want to go alone, feel free to post a message on our email group asking for a room share or car share. To join simply send a blank email to m-eastmidlands-subscribe@yahoogroups.com. Alternatively contact me and I'll do my best to help.

Do you have an unusual job or hobby that you would like to share with other members? We are looking for speakers to give us a short insight into their world at a planned regional event this summer and also at the 2006 Annual Gathering. If you would be willing to help please get in touch with me on [Phone Number] or [Email]. Thanks in advance!

Maxine Bates

Regional Officer

Events and Meetings

Derbyshire

On Wed 15th June at 7:30pm

At a couple of recent third Wednesday meetings at the Standing Order on Irongate in Derby we've rounded off the evening in a novel way by searching for an item of Sandor's cycling apparel that he couldn't find when he departed earlier in the evening. Thankfully, both items were found and returned to him. At the March meeting, Patrick decided to get in on the act and couldn't find his tie, although he did later. So, why not bring your metal detector, magnifying glass etc. along to the June 15 meeting and join in the hunt? On current form, there's bound to be something gone astray.

On Sat 25th June at 10:30am

On Saturday 25 June I'm going on a group cycle ride organised by Nottinghamshire County Council that sets off at 10.30 a.m. from the car park of the Great Northern pub at Langley Mill. It's described as "The Twin valley Circle" and the blurb is as follows. "A relatively easy 90% off-road circuit incorporating the picturesque Nature Reserve at Langley Mill and the quaint villages of Strelley and Cossall, with a return trip via the Nutbrook Trail by Shipley Park. Limited refreshment stops along the way so bring a packed lunch and plenty to drink." It's described as medium length, which means, in N.C.C. terms, up to 25 miles and the suggested duration is 5 to 6 hours. My bike is not a mountain bike and when they say off-road it usually means hard covered tracks. I've been on some of these runs and the atmosphere is very friendly and laid back and people just say their farewells and clear off wherever and whenever they choose along the way, although most people do the full distance. Please let me know if you're interested so that we can find each other at the start. More info on [Phone Number] or [Email]

Bernard Briggs

Leicestershire

On Sun 12th June at 11:00am

A round at the 12 hole pitch and putt course on Asfordby Road just outside Melton Mowbray on Sunday 12th June at 11.00am weather permitting. Costs are £5 per person. Contact Rebecca by Friday 10th June to let her know you're coming along on [Phone Number] or [Email].

Rebecca Mawby

Notts News

On Sun 5th June at 8:00pm

Round off the weekend with a friendly drink and chat at the Vat & Fiddle from 8.00 pm on Sunday 5th. Remember it's early closing. We sit to the left of the bar and the Mblem will be on display. There are usually 12-16 of us at this regular social evening with a mix of ages so everyone is welcome - especially females! For directions to the pub call me on [Phone Number].

On Wed 8th June at 7:30pm

We're starting a new regular event on the 2nd Wednesday of each month. This is our popular "chicks & flicks" event which has been held occasionally over the last few years. Meet us at 7.00 pm on 8th June inside the doors to the Cornerhouse complex where we can select a film and buy tickets before heading round the corner to Nando's chicken restaurant (veggie options too) on Forman Street. You can register for a Cornerhouse loyalty card at www.cornerhouse.tv and there are different discounts every month for outlets within the complex. Nando's offer is usually a bottomless free drink with every meal. Check out their menu at www.nandos.co.uk. If you own an Orange mobile phone then you can purchase "2 for 1" UGC cinema tickets on a Wednesday by texting FILM to 241. Just take your phone along on the night and show the staff the reference number you will be sent and you get to see the latest releases for only £3 each. Don't worry if you aren't on the Orange network. Many of us are and will share the offer with you! This should be a cheap and fun night out. You are welcome to join us for the meal, the film or both. Host for this regular event will be Andy Farrell on [Phone Number] or [Email]

On Tue 28th June at 7:30pm

Thanks to Mark Graves for volunteering to host this month's "Globetroughers" meal at 7.30 pm on Tuesday 28th. This will be a taste of Ireland at Scruffy Murphys on Stoney Street in the Lace Market area. Please book your place with Mark on [Phone Number] or [Email] by 21st. Collect another stamp for your "passport" for chance to win a prize.

On Advance Notice

Salsa Night on Fri 14 Oct 8.00 pm: Enjoy a three course dinner at The Village Hotel in Chilwell then learn to dance with the British Salsa Champions. Cost £15.95 per person. Book with Maxine on [Phone Number] or [Email]

Ciao for now!

Maxine Bates

Lincoln

On Wed 15th June at 7:00pm

Hopefully summer will have started by June and we can sit outside on the terrace at The Pyewipe Inn, off the A57, Lincoln - it's the one you can see below the bypass. You are welcome to join us for supper or just drinks - they intentionally keep the prices down on the non-alcoholic ones - although it is a great walk from the Brayford Pool if you are feeling energetic, just follow the Witham west. We will be there from 7pm with the magazine but please ring for directions/encouragement or possible lift.

On Advance Notice

Advance notice of sorts: the Canterbury Tales were so good (see Maxine's article) that we hope to get tickets to see the same company in the grounds of the Bishop's Palace performing "As you like it". At present I have few details but there are two Saturdays to chose from - 30th July or 6th August. If you are keen to come, please let me know now if one of these is better, so I can let you know the details as soon as I have them. Please telephone [Phone Number].

Jacquie Harrison

Peak District Walks

On Sun 26th June at 10:00am

Meet on the bridge near the Ship Inn (Grid Ref 965652) for a gentle morning stroll. Or meet us on the bridge around 12.30. Bring packed lunch for a picnic near the Hanging Stone. Afternoon walk to Lud's Church 6 miles. Contact Mike on [Phone Number] for further details.

Mike Quelch

Milton Keynes

On Sat 11th June at 8:00pm

Since our Mongolian BBQ in MK has closed, we're mounting an expedition to neighbouring Bedford to sample theirs. Join us at The Sizzling Wok, Broadway from 7.45 pm to eat at 8.00. Booking essential by Mon 6th to secure your place - contact Jo at [Email], [Phone Number] / [Phone Number].

On Sun 26th June at 1:00pm

fLunch Part 1: Join Chris for our regular film & Sunday Lunch meeting at Xscape in Central MK. Lunch (venue tba) 1 pm, film not compulsory! Contact Chris for further details at [Email] (mention fLunch in subject) or [Phone Number] / [Phone Number].

On Sun 26th June at 3:00pm

Flunch Part 2: Join Chris for our regular Film & Sunday lunch meeting at Xscape. Film (to be agreed at lunch) starting 3 pm-ish; check www.cineworld.co.uk (select "Milton Keynes") for possible choices & cinema info. Call Chris for our decision after 1.30 pm, [Phone Number], if not attending lunch.

Jo Sidebottom & Chris Lonsbrough

Northants NNotes

On Thu 9th June at 8:00pm

There's no Roadshow this month so it you want to be sociable with fellow Mensans in the county of Spires & Squires you'll have to pop along to the Dusty Fox at Harlestone.

At the moment I don't have a venue for the September Roadshow - if you know of a pub or restaurant in the NN postcode area that you think would be suitable please give let me know. It's been a while since we had a meeting anywhere west of Northampton so suggestions for venues in the Towcester or Daventry areas are particularly welcome.

Give Ian a call on [Phone Number] or email to [Email].

Ian Sargent

Luton/Dunstable

On Sat 11th June at 8:00pm

"F is for French Bistro"

'La Vie En Rose' in Markyate has recently opened, come and give it a try and get another sticker for your passport. New members particularly welcome. Call me on [Phone Number] by 8th June to book your place or contact me on [Email].

Tara Morgan

Hertfordshire

On Tue 14th June at 7:30pm

Pub meal at the Green Man, Great Offley (off the A505 between Hitchin and Luton). Once again, good food and good beer both available! Call Helen Rees for more details and encouragement on [Phone Number]. Bus 101 (Luton - Hitchin - Stevenage) passes close to the pub.

Helen Rees

South Bucks

On Thu 9th June at 7:45pm

Join me at the Pizza Express in Oxford Street. We may be lucky and catch some jazz. Either way we'll enjoy an excellent pizza/pasta meal. Please call Alistair on [Phone Number].

On Thu 23rd June at 7:15pm

Join me at the Wycombe Swan theatre to celebrate the music of Glen Miller and Count Baisie with the RAF Squadronaires Tickets cost £12. Call Alistair on [Phone Number].

Alistair Blackett

Regulars - see main mag for details

Thu 2nd June8:00pmRoystonFThOTM Old Bull Dan Ormsby

Thu 2nd June8:00pmWoughtonFThOTM Ye Olde Swan Jo Sidebottom

Sun 5th June8:00pmSt AlbansFSuOTM The Plough at Sleapshyde Lesley Chester

Wed 15th June8:00pmCentral MK3WOTM Wetherspoons Jo Sidebottom

Fri 24th June8:00pmHertingfordburyLFOTM White Horse Richard Allen

Wed 29th June7:45pmBerkhamstedOld Mill PubJenny Habib

Alternative Edition of Empress

Recently, your newsletter editors received a request from HQ for a version of Empress as a text file or similar that could be read easily by a screen reader, for the benefit of a visually impaired local member.

As someone who is frequently advocating to others the creation of web pages that meet accessibility requirements, and advising over the widespread misconceptions that exist in this area, I was delighted to help.

As a result, I will be supplying a text and/or HTML editions of Empress for this member each month while I'm editor , and no doubt Rosie will be providing something similar.

For those people with eyesight difficulties, computers can be a godsend, as with good accessibility support provided by both HTML and Adobe PDF (which is the normal format of Empress before printing), many documents can be available to people who would otherwise be disenfranchised.

The Royal National Institude for the Blind (RNIB) used to have a fascinating page on its website (sadly it disappeared after a redesign) describing the different types of sight difficulties people face. Did you know, for example, that while many people can only read text in a large type, some people can only read small type, or that some people can only read black text on a white background, others only yellow text on a black background, and still others only white text on a blue background.

Clearly, the amount of printed material that's going to be available in all those different formats is going to be miniscule, but pretty much all modern web browsers can be set up so that every web page and document they display meets those personal requirements.

So, if you are, or know of, someone whose failing sight makes reading Empress difficult or impossible, but have access to a computer with a web browser and, if appropriate a screen reader, why not contact the Mensa office and ask to receive Empress as a text/HTML file.

Nick Stimpson

Portrait photograph of Barry Coleman

Hello from Barry

I've been a member of Mensa for over 25 years. I joined because my wife, Carol, sent for the home test because I thought I was cleverer than she knew I was. She quickly followed me, after I passed, and we have both been members for a very long time.

I've been in quite a lot of SIGs over the years but I am now just in the Motorcycle SIG. Mensa activity has dropped off over the last decade, mainly because of work, but I am hoping to revive it now.

I've had a varied career as a Merchant navy officer, pipe-fitter, plumber, IT trainer, salesman and IT "consultant". (but see below).

I am a keen sailor with a "Coastal Skipper" sail cruising certificate from the Royal Yachting Association but I live a little too far from the sea to use it very much (Caribbean cruise anyone?). I also enjoy gardening, growing orchids and bonsai, cycling, DIY and lots of other stuff that I've forgotten at the moment.

Request for Help

I've recently escaped from the IT rat race and, at the age of 58, I have decided to do the kinds of things that I enjoy doing and find rewarding.

With a passionate interest and an academic background in psychology I have embarked upon a year of vocational training in counselling, hypnotherapy and psychology and this is where I need help. My final qualification depends upon the completion of a certain number of counselling sessions and I can't think of a better group to approach than fellow Mensa members. I have already completed about twenty sessions with seven clients over six months; so you would not be my "first go". Sessions would last up to a maximum of one hour and, at this stage, would be free of charge.

Counselling is the art of listening and discussion with the aim of helping the client to help himself or herself either with a specific problem, unhelpful feelings, an uncomfortable situation or just to improve life in general. There need not be a specific "problem" to bring along and the aim of the session will certainly not be to create new ones. I have found that almost anyone can benefit from counselling, especially in the modern world. Often people just like to talk about things to a receptive listener and in complete confidence. Proper counselling is completely client-driven.

Hypnotherapy is a tool that may or may not be used as part of the counselling or psychotherapy and is always entirely voluntary, as is everything else. It can be used to change feelings about situations, overcome addictions and phobias and many other things including, most importantly, helping with proper relaxation.

If you would like to find out all about it just call me on [Phone Number] or email on [Email]

Barry Coleman

Meet Gwen...

Picture of Gwen Jones blowing out her birthday cake.

Gwen Jones organises events in the Harlow area.

When did you join Mensa?
1995.
Why did you join?
Because I'd 'passed' the test; because I was drawn by the prospect of SIGs, Mensa-at-Braziers, and the social round Mensa offers.
Do you belong to any SIGs?
AmeriCana SIG, which I run; Rambling and Mountaineering SIG (RamSIG), Computing SIG, Gardening SIG, Party SIG. Umm, I hope I haven't missed any out. I've belonged to quite a few SIGs - it's fun dipping into to a wide variety. CompuSIG and RamSIG are long-standing ones. Gardening SIG and Party SIG are ones I've returned to.
Have you attended any events?
I've been attending events since I first joined, and organising them almost as long, I think. When Annabel McCleod asked me to take over part of her LocSec patch she said I might as well, because I was organising most of the events in and around that area (CM16-24), which she wasn't able to do. I'm a 'small to medium group' sort of person and those are the events I enjoy most - pubs, meals out, walks, museum visits, etc.
What's your occupation?
Supply teacher.
Do you have any hobbies/interests?
Walking, gardening, writing poetry are the main ones. But I'm interested in all kinds of things.
Anything else?
Always read the East Anglia event listings as well as East Midlands. Richard Allen (Hertford LocSec) and I often work as a team and try to present a good range of events between us.

20 Questions (No. 45)

The answers to the comedy themed quiz in the April newsletter were Kenny Everett, Cuckoo Song, Spike Milligan, Gerald Wiley, Gummo & Zeppo, ITMA (It's That Man Again), Carl Spackler, Benny Hill, Tim McInnerny, Mork & Mindy, they were being chased by murderous gangsters, Peter Brough, New Faces, 30th July 1938, Sophia Loren, Max Miller, 1961, The Dandy, Rambling Syd Rumpo and Norman Thelwell. Not as many entries this month but congratulations to Geoff Ward of Lincoln and commiserations to Alex Foster of Derby, Michael Warren of Derby, Paul Henchliffe of Nottingham, Gill Bensley of Milton Keynes and Philip Abbott of Watford.

This month we have another of our popular anagram quizzes. Can you unscramble these famous landmarks from around the world?

1. BELT OF AUSTERITY

2. A JAM HALT

3. I HANG CAMEL BACK UP

4. NANCY DRAGON

5. NO RED MEAT

6. MOUTH MOURNERS

7. UNDERESTIMATE BIG LIP

8. RELIEF TO FEW

9. I PREACH TOOLS

10. NO SPORT SWEATER

11. GAIN AMOROUS FLAUNT

12. WATCHING REAL FOAL

13. OH, FEEL PAVEMENT!

14. SORRY CAKE

15. REQUESTS TAPERS

16. BLEEDING GREAT DOG

17. AN ALPACA MAN

18. MOVE NUT TREES

19. THE SON GENE

20. SHE CATAPULTS LARD

Answers please to '20 Questions (No. 45)', [Address], to arrive by 20th June for your chance to win a £5 W H Smith voucher and Mensa pen.

m-eastmidlands-chat

For those of us in our region who like a chat with our fellow mensans, but whose lives are too full to get to a meeting (or are too fearful of having to get a round in) there's a new chat group on the internet, that's just the thing.

Direct your browser to : http://groups.yahoo.com/group/m-eastmidlands-chat and click "Join this Group", then send a message to the group introducing yourself, or write on any topic that takes your fancy.

Recent topics of discussion have been on smoking areas in pubs, punctuation, Charles and Camilla, and who the "Other Jo" is!

Urban Myths Exposed - #2

When John F Kennedy said "Ich bin ein Berliner" he wasn't saying "I am a jelly doughnut" any more than saying "I am a Scotsman" means "I am a newspaper". The supposed 'corrected' phrase "Ich bin Berliner" means literally "I am from Berlin" which would be nonsense. "Ich bin ein Berliner" is the correct form for saying "I am at one with the people of Berlin" or "I am a citizen of Berlin".