EMPRESS

Regional News

I'm delighted to announce the return of our regional events having managed to sneak one in shortly before COVID appeared in the UK in 2020, but obviously missing one in 2021. The short survey asking what types of events you would like to see and do revealed that afternoon tea and coffee/cake were overwhelmingly the most popular. So we are returning to the Holiday Inn Rugby/Northampton just off M1 J18 in the centre of our region the afternoon of Sunday 13th March for a delicious afternoon tea. This will be followed by a general knowledge quiz with some small prizes on offer or, if you prefer, activities for junior members and families. The event will take place from 1:30pm to 5:00pm and the hotel offer ample free parking. The cost of the event is being subsidised from our regional funds so tickets cost a bargain £12 adult or £6 child (up to 12 years of age) and you are welcome to bring non-member guests. But be quick as bookings close on 3rd March in order to finalise things with the venue. See the cover of Empress for full details and book via www.mensa.org.uk or phoning the Mensa office during working hours.

A few of us will be staying at the hotel on the Saturday night with the option to use the leisure club and enjoy dinner together at a local pub/restaurant in the village of Crick. Various room rates are available depending if you have any discount codes, are an IHG member, want breakfast included, etc, so an internet search may bring up cheaper deals than the hotel are quoting. If you wish to join in the Saturday evening because you are local or staying overnight please get in touch with me.

Don't forget the Young Mensa (age 18-35) weekend of activities being planned to take place in Nottingham on Saturday 12th and Sunday 13th March too. See the Young Mensa UK Facebook group or contact Josh on [Email] for further details.

Would anyone be interested in more daytime midweek social events? I'm finding that more friends have free time during the week due to more flexible working as a result of the pandemic. These events could be arranged if there was enough interest. Please get in touch and let me know if so.

I'm on [Phone Number] or [Email]. Hope to see you in Northants on 13th March!

Maxine Bates

Regional Officer

Editorial

This is my last edition as editor for a few months as I hand over to Maria who is returning to editing after a break. I'm sure she'll be doing the same great job as before her well-deserved break.

I must apologise for a rather inconsistent appearance to last month's Empress. I was just finishing the first draft and was tidying up the Regional Events section when my worst nightmare occurred - everything disappeared. That meant I had to start over again. Lucidpress does have ability to see previous revisions, but for some reason best known to itself I just kept seeing the now corrupted version. By 11:30pm that night I had everything back as it should be but the Events headings got missed. It just goes to show that after being in IT for 20 years and reaching the heady heights of Head of IT anyone can get caught out by a 'glitch' - or as we called it at Lotus Park, 'an unplanned feature' ! I always think that someone should told Babbage that the differential engine was a bad idea.

Roy Latham

Nottingham Light Night

The ukulele orchestra in Trinity Square

Many thanks to the intrepid members who turned out in the cold, wind and rain for Nottingham Light Night 2022. Despite it being the 14th event none of us had visited it previously. For two nights in February activities were being staged around the Market Square, Trinity Square, Hockley, Lace Market, Castle and Sneinton areas of the city. There was too much to see and do in only a couple of hours and I think some things didn't run to schedule due to the weather, but we did manage to shelter in the contemporary arts building whilst watching a free 25 minute performance of dance and lights by students and professionals. We then crossed the road and went in the church in the Lace Market for a short light show. I think it's the first time I've been in a church for a Saturday night out! After wandering the streets a little more we finished our tour listening to the ukulele orchestra playing in Trinity Square surrounded by giant illuminated letters spelling Nottingham. I think next year we need two full nights there to explore further and see the Castle and Green's Mill illuminated. However, we ended our light extravaganza by 8pm in order to head to our regular "5th of the month" get together at the Vat & Fiddle pub and dry off/warm up!

The Lighter Side of Life

by The Redundant Engineer

Artificial Denseness

I find some companies try so hard to appear intelligent they come across as dense.

More and more companies are jumping on the bandwagon of emailing receipts for your purchase. Of course, the real reason companies want your email address is so they can send you advertisements. In just less than two weeks after buying an item I received 9 adverts from the company. Yet I never received the receipt. When I discovered the item was faulty I had a fun time proving I had bought it. Luckily I had paid using my debit card and eventually the assistant managed to track my details on their computer.

Next on my list are those companies that try to be helpful. A good example is the delivery company that sent a mail saying the chicken feed my wife ordered would arrive between 12:42 and 13:42. In the mail was a link so if this was a problem my wife could make comments or change the date. As we were meeting one of our daughters for lunch she clicked on the link. She typed in a message asking the delivery man to drop the feed over the gate to our field at the far end of our drive. When she hit the submit button she was told she had to select a date. Could she select that day? Of course not. In the end she exited the browser. When we arrived home the feed was blocking the steps leading to our front door.

Then there are companies like Amazon and eBay. I often buy things for my mother who is in a nursing home. Admittedly some of them could be things you regularly buy but most are one-offs. I often get mail advertising many of the one-offs I have bought. Why would I want to buy any more?

My TV service provider is next. We record a lot of programs to watch at a more convenient time. At the end of a series the system claims it will record the next series when it starts. Suppose you watched the first series of 'Fantastic Show' last year. You know the second series is about to start but you don't set things up to record because you are naively happy it will start automatically. Unfortunately, somebody has unwittingly put in a problem. To stress the series is new the company has put 'New:' at the start of the name. The result of this unhelpful act is the system does not record the first few episodes of the series. You see, 'Fantastic Show' is different to 'New: Fantastic Show' as far as names go. About halfway through the series the 'New: ' is dropped and then the recordings begin.

Fortunately, the system allows me to download episodes we have missed. However, it would be far better if we hadn't missed them in the first place.

I expect more and more innovations to appear. Unfortunately, I also expect them to show more and more examples of sheer denseness.

Feghootia

Two Greek fishermen who went out in their caique were overtaken by a storm. Their vessel was dismasted and they were adrift. It got cold and so they lit a fire using the oars, thwarts and pieces of driftwood. Soon they were warmer, but the boat caught fire and sank, leaving the fishermen to drown.

Which proves you can't have your caique and heat it!

The Doctor ordered an almond Daquiri. The barman used hickory nuts instead of almonds. "This is not an almond Daquiri?" Barman: "No, it's a hickory Daquiri, Doc".

First published in British Mensa Journal, December/January 1981/82

Where I Live

How many of you have heard of the town of Harpenden? Unless you live in Hertfordshire, then not many of you will I suspect. I've provided hyperlinks in some of the items to provide further information should you wish to learn more.

The town is located just south of the Hertfordshire-Bedfordshire border and roughly mid way between the City of St Albans, named after the first Christian martyr in England, Alban, and Luton.

Much of the town was built by Jarvis Construction. Their first building was the Post Office, then located in the High Street. Ernst Jarvis, grandson of the founder, cycled over from Enfield in 1905 and was impressed by the prospects for housing development. The first houses he built were on land in Moreton Avenue, using money he borrowed. The company went on to put up houses all around Harpenden. In 1930 they purchased Hatching Green Farm which covered 320 acres and became known as West Common and some of the most expensive properties in the county line its Private Roads.

Notable Residents: The town has attracted wealthy and famous (and in one case, infamous) residents. Here are just a few:

Eric Morecombe: He owned a house on the Corner of Redbourn Lane and Oakhurst Avenue. The house is still home to his widow, Joan, who has kept his study exactly as it was on the day he died. From time to time Eric would mention Harpenden in a sketch, usually in a humorous way. Eric's funeral was held in St Nicholas's Church and the mourners overflowed onto Church Green and beyond. The Public Halls Concert Hall is named after him as is the new arts centre in Rothamsted Park.

Frank Jarvis: Son of Ernest, he was a keen tennis player and partnered the Prince of Wales (Later King Edward IIIV) as his doubles partner for time to time. Frank applied to the Harpenden Lawn Tennis Club to become a member. However, he was deemed to be 'In Trade' and not a member of one of the Professions and therefore was ineligible. Jarvis's had some land off Elleswick Avenue which Frank decided to use to build a tennis club - which of course he joined. When the committee of the Harpenden club found out that Frank played with the future King he was invited to join - an offer he declined on the basis of if he wasn't a suitable candidate before, then he wasn't suitable now!

John Cunningham: Pilot. During the War he was known as 'Cats Eyes' Cunningham - a night fighter pilot, he gained the nickname to mask the fact that the RAF had equipped night fighters with radar. John's ability to find and shoot down enemy planes at night was put down to his eating carrots! Later he became the chief test pilot for the de Havilland aircraft company and flew both the Comet - the world's first jet airliner and the Trident. Sir John Lawes: A pioneer in science, farming and industry. He founded the Rothamsted Experimental Station in 1843 which still exists today as the Rothamsted Institute and known around the world for its agricultural research and long-term experiments.

Count De Voilement: His true name was Charles-Marie Ferdinand Walsin- Esterhazy. He lived in Harpenden from 1908 to 1923. If you have every read anything about the Dreyfus Affair (An Officer and A Spy, by Robert Harris, for example) you will know that he was the real spy who attempted to sell French military secrets to the Germans in the late 19th Century. Acquitted of spying, Esterhazy left France and eventually moved to Harpenden, and lived in Tennyson Road and later Milton Road - both in the 'Poets' area of the town. He also lived a short distance from my home, in Station Road! He Is buried in St Nicholas' churchyard.

Just a few of the other notable residents of Harpenden. I've left out the sportsmen - mainly footballers - who call the town home today out of respect to their privacy.

Terry Lighfoot - Jazzman (Midnight in Moscow)

Ernest Heasman - Stained Glass Artist

Judy Fryd - founder of Mencap

Charles Hill - 'The Radio Doctor'

Edward Wilson - Artist on Scott's polar expeditions

Further exploration in the area.

If you find yourself in Harpenden, then there are other places of interest nearby. The Village of Redbourn is 2 miles away and boasts an historic Common. One of the earliest recorded games of cricket was played on it and it also hosted a match in which W.G. Grace played. Behind the Common is Brooke End, the road is named after the tea factory that was made famous by the TV adverts featuring chimpanzees - Brooke Bond PG Tips. Before that the site was home to a silk mill. The village museum tells the story Rebourn and even records it's Royal past.

Two miles from the village, heading towards St Albans, is Redbournbury Mill which the last watermill in the Ver valley that is still in operation There is mention of the Mill in the Domesday Book of 1086. One claim to fame of the Mill is that it was operated between 1944 and 1985 by a woman, Ivy Hawkins, working alone.

St Albans doesn't just have the Cathederal and Abbey Church of St Alban, it also boasts Roman ruins, such as the amphitheatre, sections of wall and a Hypocaust in Verulam Park, named after the Roman settlement of Verulamium. In the City Centre is the Clock Tower which was built in 1405 and is the only medeval town belfry in England. It is also close to the site of an Eleanor Cross - one of the twelve crosses that mark the overnight resting place of Queen Eleanor of Castile, Wife of King Edward I who, between 1291 and 1294 had the Crosses erected to mark her final journey.

Roy Latham

A Long Time Ago

by Frank Forster

It was a warm sunny summer afternoon as the old fellow drove over the bridge and entered the village. At first it looked as if little had changed over the years. On his right the red brick Victorian school which he attended, and his brother and mother before him, in her case leaving before the turn of the century. On the other side the terrace of two storeys one room accommodation for the elderly and poor of the village. On reaching the crossroads change became obvious. The Elizabethan 'Old Hall', a residence when he lived there, was now a retirement home. Then on both sides buildings which had been business premises were altered, made more obvious by the fact there were now no big windows. He recalled just how many shops had once been there, certainly far more than any other village for many miles around, and enough to draw trade from those villages. Nearing the centre he slowed down and came to a halt near the post office. It was still in business but a long time had passed since about six postmen began their days work there. Now the post office counter was a small space at the back of the shop. This was the only shop remaining where once there had been close on twenty. As he sat there, memories began to come into his mind, settling on a time about eighty years earlier, several years before the second world war. The period in his mind was when life in the countryside had a different pace ...

It was a midwinter, the days short and cold. In the previous week the children had gone to school in the bitter morning air, about three days earlier the snow had started, now there were a few inches over the surrounding fields. He awoke and realised it was Saturday morning so he could take his time, his father was already at work, a six day job at that time. It was quite late when he had finished his breakfast and put on plenty of warm clothes. What a perfect day he though to get the small sled his father had made for him. This he duly did. The house was in the main street and no sooner had he got out than he met two or three others with similar ideas. As they walked along they were joined by others, some with sleds, so that by the time they had turned down the lane they numbered at least fifteen.

Over the railway crossing and clear of the village, they passed the field that was marshy with large puddles most of the year and in very frosty weather these froze to make great slides. The road was rising now, past the brick pits, then the osier bed. About half a mile further they reached the hamlet and took the road to the right, where it turned and began to drop down sharply, almost there now. On the left the ground had continued to rise and soon they were making their over the fence. This was where the stream sprang from the ground, filling a cattle trough, home to a family of great crested newts in warmer months, then making its way under and over the road, winding round a copse, to the summer bathing place and thence further on under the bridge where we came into this tale.

Our boy was probably the youngest and certainly the smallest in the group as they climbed to the top of the slope. There he joined in the fun, sliding down, climbing up, sliding down. Just as they say, time flies when you're having fun, so they gave it no thought as they played on. Being midwinter the light began to fade and someone decided he was going to make his way home. At first they were all in a bunch but soon the older stronger ones got well ahead of the rest. Having such a wonderful time the boy had not realised just how tired he was. Now his steps began to slow and he found himself well behind and on his own. About a quarter of a mile from the village he decided he must have a rest and sat down on his sled somewhat dejectedly. Fortunately Billy Marvin who lived on that road came along from the direction of the hamlet. Realising what had happened he told the boy to tuck his feet up and taking the rope at the front of the sled pulled him all the way back to his home in the village. When we entered the house all his mother said was 'You are late', no remonstration. She had kept his midday meal hot in the oven, stew, and it was so good. The life began to creep back into him. The warm fire helped too.

... Bringing his mind back to the present, the man smiled to himself and thought 'I have never liked cold weather since then'. He started the car, slipped it into gear, and drove on.

We Don't Need No Education?

In the Internet Age do we need formal education institutions such as colleges and universities? asks Mike Cummins

Education establishments have been the gatekeepers to knowledge for centuries. But when every atom of knowledge that mankind has ever known can be instantly recalled in seconds on a smartphone how can these establishments justify holding back knowledge? Courses are still timetabled to anachronistic calendars where a college year becomes thirty-six weeks and fewer at universities. Full time university courses often equate to less than two days of access to the course lecturer, often as little as one.

Our colleges teach to off-the-shelf qualifications from awarding bodies. These consist of set goals or learning outcomes that a student must meet to gain the qualification. So far so good, but what of the students who can easily exceed these set outcomes? One college tutor I spoke to regularly got his students to a level far beyond the set outcomes. This became a problem for the universities that these students graduated to. The students knew too much. Instead of seeing this advanced level of knowledge as a benefit they saw it as an intrusion into their own defined learning outcomes. The result of this was the college tutor getting a gentle reprimand for 'over teaching'. That this phrase even exists should make the architects of our current education system hang their heads in shame.

Many of these glass ceilings are for administrative and audit purposes. But the glass ceilings and short years also result in more business for the institutions. Colleges receive government funding based largely on enrolling the optimum number of students and keeping them on the books for as long as possible. The same applies to universities via tuition fees.

What is needed is a separation of education and education providers. Knowledge is now freely available to all (certainly in the developed world). So where does the £9,000 per annum fees charged by three quarters of all English universities go? That equates to about £25 per tutor contact hour per student. In the outside world £9,000 is enough for nearly seven hours of private, one-to-one tuition each week, or enough to buy 360 text books. For comparison, night school classes at local colleges charge closer to £4 per contact hour per student, still with full access to facilities, tutor and support - not to forget these also have advertising and admin overheads.

So where does all the surplus money go? There is one monopoly that education institutions have: the ability to certify a student's achievements. This is a key area of focus for the management of colleges and universities who, as businesses, are less focused with actual education but more concerned providing the certificates (and thus more stats). The principals of many UK colleges earn more than the Prime Minister; many university vice chancellors earn a salary in excess of £250,000. In itself not a problem but it sets the bar for working out the salary of the subsequent burgeoning sub- strata of senior management. Student fees do not pay for an education, they pay for the education establishment to support itself.

Nobody wants to be operated on by a surgeon who is self taught via The Dummies Guide to Brain Surgery. But not all subjects carry this level of risk. The Open University is one of the most highly respected universities in the world and mainly delivers knowledge based subjects. OU courses can be thought of as guided self learning. However even they are still locked into irrelevant academic calendars.

The Internet itself has long held the promise of becoming the great educator. But e- learning continues to stutter along often trying to impose old linear methodologies to the constantly evolving digital world. But technology is no longer separate from our daily lives. E-learning is no longer a separate entity; it is now fully absorbed into general learning. We carry the knowledge of the world in our pockets so why would a student need to attend college to use their computer equipment and library?

There is a new approach to using technology in education that goes some way towards separating education and education establishments. They are called Massive Open Online Courses (MOOC). These are essentially free courses open to everyone - in fact the more the merrier, there are no limits to the number of students enrolled at any given time. All course materials are provided on-line for free. All students are treated equally and can often work at their own pace. Having completed the course (including coursework and/or exams) students can then decide if they would like to be certificated for which they pay a fee.

In this new landscape tutors have become curators of knowledge, no longer drip feeding to fit academic calendars and targets but opening the floodgates of all that they know. They become a learning partner to students; both parties being challenged by new ways of thinking and being introduced to new pools of knowledge.

We live in an age where knowledge has been set free. The potential for education is huge and it will not allow itself to be held back by the institutions that once empowered it but are now increasingly its jailer.

20 Questions (No. 245)

Did you unscramble the places in our January quiz? They were Nottingham, Derby, Leicester, Loughborough, Milton Keynes, Hertford, Hemel Hempstead, Northampton, Kettering, Gainsborough, Grantham, Dunstable, Belper, Burton,Worksop, Rutland, Stamford, Melton Mowbray, Castle Donington and St Albans. A bumper crop of entries this time but congratulations to Janie Comber of Milton Keynes who was picked at random and wins the £10 One4All gift card.

As spring is on the way this month each answer contains the name of a flower. Send your entries by 20th March to '20 Questions (No. 245)', [Address] or [Email]. Don't forget to include your name and address or we can't send the prize if you win.